Lau Pui Kheng Priscilla
5 Faber Drive
Singapore 123421
Contact Number: 9xxxxxxx
9th
February 2012
Dr Craig Stenberg, Associate Dean (Student Affairs & Admissions)
Duke-NUS Graduate Medical School Singapore
Admissions Department
8 College Road
Singapore 169857
Dear Dr Stenberg,
I am writing to
apply for the MD program at Duke-NUS Graduate Medical School. I believe that my
strong interest in biology, passion and desire to serve the community and determination
makes me a suitable candidate for your graduate program.
I am currently enrolled
at the National University of Singapore as a Life Sciences major specialising
in Biomedical Sciences. I have a strong interest
in human biology and for my specialisation I studied topics like Pharmacology
and Immunology, related to the medical aspect of biology. My keenness for continual learning has been demonstrated
by seeking out research opportunities. I
was attached for eight months to the Drosophila fly lab at Duke-NUS. I applied knowledge and techniques learnt in
school and was exposed to the research process in a laboratory. My Final Year
Project in NUS will hone my research and analytical skills further. The year of individual research, part of the MD
program curriculum will give me even more opportunities to pursue my research
interests.
In addition to
my interest in biology, I am convicted and passionate in serving the community,
giving back to the community in any way that I am able to. I volunteer consistently at Melrose Home
where I tutor the children on a weekly basis. I see this as a small act of
offering my skills and knowledge back to the community so that they may benefit.
Similarly, being trained as a clinician-scientist at Duke-NUS will train me a
new set of skills and expertise to give back and serve the society.
I understand that
I will face many challenges in being a clinician but I am optimistic of overcoming
them. I have displayed my resilience in adjusting back to the rigours of the
Singapore education system after studying in an international one. I have also exhibited
determination during my student exchange to Paris where I faced great
difficulty in taking lessons in my third language, French. I believe that Duke-NUS will train me to
tackle the rigours of working in the medical industry as your institution is dedicated
to nurturing competent clinician-scientists, having an edge being trained in
both research and being a clinician.
Thank you very
much for your time. I look forward to
hear from you regarding my enrolment. Attached
is my resume for your consideration.
Yours sincerely,
Priscilla Lau
Hi Priscilla,
ReplyDeleteI think your letter is rich with details and you have expressed it well. I like your first paragraph because it shows you strong desire in that graduate programme.
This line in particular, 'strong interest in biology, passion and desire to serve the community and determination makes me a suitable candidate for your graduate program' captivated me. It is a good introduction and made me want to read on.
Overall, I think you have fulfilled the requirements of this letter as you mentioned your volunteer experience, current programme of study and your reasons for enrolling into Duke-NUS.
One comment I would like to share would be to be careful with your use of 'I'. In quite a number of sentences, especially in paragraph 2 you have started it with 'I'. My concern is that may not leave off a very good impression as it may make us seem self-centered.
But generally, great work! :)
Hi Priscilla,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I like your letter because the details you provided were very relevant. You start off stating your reason for application and clearly describe your motivations for the application. Your tone is very confident and conveys the enthusiasm you have for the MD program. Most of this is conveyed in your choice of words such as "convicted", "passionate." Furthermore, you back all of your statements up with your work experiences to actually show why you're a good candidate for the MD program.
I'm not too sure if it's a bad thing but I like that you talked about your weakness and how overcoming it shows how prepared you are for your time at Duke-NUS.
The writing flows well and is very coherent but perhaps there are certain things you could change to make the writing flow better:
1.
I have a strong interest in human biology and for my specialisation I studied topics like Pharmacology and Immunology, related to the medical aspect of biology.
-->
I have a strong interest in human biology which is shown in the modules/subjects I chose for my specialization: Pharmacology and Immunology, both of which are related to medicine.
(Is this what you wanted to convey?)
2.
My keenness for continual learning has been demonstrated by seeking out research opportunities.
-->
My keenness for/in continual learning is demonstrated in my research experience.
3.
I was attached for eight months to the Drosophila fly lab at Duke-NUS. I applied knowledge and techniques learnt in school and was exposed to the research process in a laboratory.
-->
Perhaps you could link those two sentences together to show that they are related.
e.g.
I was attached for eight months to the Drosophila fly lab at Duke-NUS, during which I applied the knowledge and techniques learnt in school while being exposed to the research process in a working laboratory. (Anywhere close to your original meaning?)
4.
Similarly, being trained as a clinician-scientist at Duke-NUS will train me a new set of skills and expertise to give back and serve the society.
-->
Similarly, being trained as a clinician-scientist at Duke-NUS will equip me with a new set of skills and expertise through which I can give back to and serve the society.
Overall, your application letter was well written, had good examples to back up your statements and conveyed your enthusiasm for the program. That's always good!
Jie Ying
Hi Carol
ReplyDeleteThank you for your suggestion and encouragement! I really appreciate your previous comments too made during the lesson and made many changes to my first draft. I will take these into consideration while editing my letter again.(:
Priscilla
Hi Jie Ying,
ReplyDeleteI do not see your comment being posted on the blog but I saw it in my email! Weird.
Thank you so much for taking the time to examine and scrutinise my letter and making many suggestions to it. I really appreciate it as I would not have been able to pick out these details by myself!
Thanks (:
Priscilla